As a parent, you surely know the times your child will go berserk, when you have to leave the playground or when it’s time to brush his teeth. However, we are surprised when a toddler does not want to put on a hat or gloves when it is freezing outside or eat a nutritious breakfast (one that he likes!) before leaving the house. Such situations are a real test of parental negotiation and the art of communication! But at such times, have you wondered where the rebellion, screaming, and hysteria come from? How does the child’s brain work when these difficult emotions surface, and… why?
Why doesn’t this clever and intelligent five-year-old understand what we’re saying to him? Why does he surprise us with his wisdom in solving puzzles, but doesn’t understand our logic? If you want to find out the reasons for such inconsistencies, you should analyse the place where it all begins, i.e., the child’s brain!
Right hemisphere dominance
The human brain is made up of many parts, each of which is responsible for different functions. The right hemisphere deals with our emotions and non-verbal signals, and the left one watches over the logic and formulation of thoughts into sentences. In children, especially small ones, the right hemisphere dominates the left hemisphere for quite some time, which is the answer to our main question.
Why does a child make a dramatic scene at a toy store when we have to leave? Well, it cannot do otherwise – the right hemisphere of his brain is red-hot, and logical arguments cannot access it. Until about the age of three, children live in the here and now, which is why it is so difficult for them to consider their well-being or emotional states. Only after listening to the “why” can we conclude that the logical left hemisphere is slowly joining the game.
Mammalian brain
It is worth noting that in the evolutionary path of human maturation, not only did the reptilian brain develop within us, responsible for instincts and instant decision-making that facilitate survival, but we have also been equipped with the mammalian brain, which protects and shapes our family relationships and builds interpersonal bonds.
Only consistent and coordinated cooperation between all parts of our brain allows for harmonious human development – both physical and emotional. And according to scientists, the development of this cooperation is directly influenced by the child’s parents and guardians through the type of experiences they provide. Our brain’s neuroplasticity, i.e., the ability to adapt to changing conditions, proves that the brain learns on an ongoing basis, and each new experience is a new connection between neurons. And new connections are kinds of bridges, thanks to which we can develop new skills and overcome existing boundaries.
Brain strategy
To better understand a child’s behaviour and respond more effectively to his needs, we must look to the integration of the left and right hemispheres as a strategy. Sometimes in a child’s world, a broken crisp or the inability to arrange a house of cards turns into a tragedy. This moment is when the right hemisphere is in the lead again, and until we respond to the needs of this particular part of the brain, it will not hear any logical arguments. Connecting and switching is a way to make contact with a child who is tormented by strong emotions – mirroring the child’s feelings, verbal and non-verbal, tuning in to him to relate to his right emotional hemisphere.
Only when we can tame the emotional side of the child, and the child begins to regain balance, can we begin to provide a logical argument and explanation of the situation (e.g., “Your little sister is still too young to understand that she can’t take things that are not hers. What do you think we could do in this situation?”).
